WWE Monday Night Raw: August 12th, 2019 “Cowboy” Round-Up

Fresh off a fantastic Summerslam (and an awesome NXT Takover) that saw Seth Rollins go from vanilla loser to at least a Cookies & Cream babyface, let’s see if Raw can keep the momentum going.

  • I think I’m starting to pinpoint why Seth Rollins rubs me the wrong way as a babyface. It’s because he tries very hard to come off as “really natural” as a babyface. So “natural” that he comes off as incredibly unnatural and fake. Like “oh man hey guys this is crazy what can I say blah blah”. It’s very close to Kofi Kingston territory. As a heel, he’s playing a character. As a babyface, he’s Seth Rollins. Dude with greasy hair pretending that he really fought a guy last night.
  • Seth interrupted by AJ. This is exciting to me…but not for why you think. We’ve already seen Seth vs AJ. It’s a good match. What excites me is that I can imagine this match ends…with the lights being systematically shut down, and a certain Funhouse Host crashing the party.
  • WWE loves to do this. They love setting up “dream matches” and getting heel heat for the heel who “spoils” it. Bray did look like a million fucking bucks last night. I say go all-in.
  • By the way, if I’m totally wrong, I won’t edit this. It’s a pro wrestling blog, I’m not cheating at this thing. But if it’s right, I’m going to declare myself a guru and apply for a job at WWE headquarters in Stamford, CT.
  • One last thing on Bray. They also seemed to work in a clever way to “protect” losses to The Fiend. Did you see when he was holding his head and in pain from hearing voices or some shit? It’s going to be some type of angle where you have to attack while the “voices” in his head take over. It’s sort of like fighting a videogame boss and you have to wait for that one specific opening.
  • Sami Zayn’s “Reddit Squaredcircle Personified” gimmick is growing on me.
  • Cole says “Are we gonna have Joe and Sami Zayn?!?!” in a tone of voice as if we were getting CM Punk vs Shawn Michaels. It’s two jobbers with nothing to do.
  • Return of King of the Ring, huh? Okay, twist “Cowboy” Bob’s arm. I am torn though. I do hate when somebody wins and they suddenly have a shitty king gimmick.
  • Weirdly Samoa Joe doubles down on being heel. If this spares us from that Roman/Joe shitty Samoan tag team, I’m all down for that. Now go job to Apollo Crews, Joe.
  • Hey, I’m Miz. I’m a B-level movie star who shamelessly plugs his reality show more even more than “Cowboy” Bob spams his blog on Reddit. I dress like a complete douche. I’m weirdly overconfident. Cheer me. I’m a babyface.
  • I’ll say it – I’m intrigued at where the Ziggler thing goes.
  • Fine, I smirked at Becky calling Charlie Caruso “Chuck”.
  • Ricochet interrupts Elias. Tells him that he doesn’t get interrupted during songs because it’s cool to do, it’s because he sucks. Elias low-key buries Ricochet by saying “Okay I’ll give you credit that’s a clever insult”, highlighting how fucking lame it was.
  • The only problem I have with 2 out of 3 falls matches is that 98% of them are 1-1 going into a 3rd fall. We need more 2-0 matches to create some kind of drama. You can essentially tune out until the final fall. Even the best 2 out of 3 fall match in history, Cole vs Gargano at Takeover in Brooklyn this year, was really pedestrian until that epic 3rd fall.
  • Amazing hurricanrana from the top turnbuckle to the floor.
  • WELL HOT DOG it really was a 2-0 match!!! See, “Cowboy” can gladly admit when he’s wrong!
  • Hungover Hawkins of Street Profits lighting up over the mention of “his girl Nikki Cross” is hysterical. I actually hope they do that. “Cowboy” Bob enjoys WACKY wrestling couples. Everybody forgets now, but that Nia Jax and Enzo Amore romance was over as fuck until Enzo got released.
  • I can’t tell if Cedric Alexander’s “screaming like an axe murderer is slitting my throat” selling is phenomenal or over the top.
  • His spanish fly is incredible though. Deserved “golf clap” from the crowd.
  • That was a nice little throwaway Raw match. Who knew? McIntyre and Alexander have a weirdly good chemistry together.
  • Commercial for the The Angry Birds Movie 2. I’ll tell you what annoys good ol’ “Cowboy”. When movie trailers pull that bullshit of like “The Angry Birds Movie 2 is getting the best reviews of the summer!” and then cut to a scene in the movie where a character says something like “You can say that again!” or “That’s what I’ve been trying to say!” Some stupid shit like that. Stop doing that.
  • Charly Caruso outside Brock Lesnar’s door, and the ominous tones of No Way Jose’s dumb theme is more terrifying than anything Bray Wyatt could ever dream of concocting.
  • If my Jobber To The Stars blog was a movie, you’d see me at NXT Takeover: Orlando, watching Bobby Roode successfully defend the NXT title against Shinsuke Nakamura and saying “Man, that Bobby Roode is going to be a big fucking star.” then cut to a meaningless match selling offense for No Way Jose on Raw as a 3rd rate Rick Rude knockoff.
  • I feel like I will one day cry when Carmella inevitably pins R-Truth for the 24/7 title.
  • As Drake Maverick heads stage left…R-Truth heads stage right as the crowd groans. “It’s like the Bugs Bunny gag!” says Bart Simpson aka Renee.
  • You know what I really want with my WWE videogame? FEMINIST PROPAGANDA. OH HELL YEAH.
  • And Yokozuna and IRS. Seriously. Put in Yokozuna and IRS.
  • Nattie gets the ultra-jobber role of having to sell Becky’s finisher in a sling.
  • She is giving a tearful speech about her dad dying and crying. This is BEGGING for a heel to interrupt. Perfect timing for the return of my precious Lacey Evans in 3…2…1…
  • HOLY FUCK IT’S SASHA BANKS.
  • WHY WOULD SHE COME BACK AT SUCH A HEELISH MOMENT.
  • COLE YELLS “IT’S BOSS TIME!!!” WITH SO MUCH ENTHUSIASM THAT I FEEL LIKE HE’S TROLLING US AT THIS POINT.
  • HER HAIR LOOKS ATROCIOUS.
  • Sasha then attacks Natalya. Because WWE loves nothing more than forcing heel heat on people we have no intention of booing.
  • The atrocious hair is FAKE at least, thankfully. It’s blue now. I’m fine with it.
  • At least heel Sasha is a better character than shittastic babyface Sasha.
  • “Thank you Sasha” chants greet this stupidly booked “heel” turn.
  • By the way, that babyface pop you heard was also the death of the AEW women’s division.
  • Sasha beating the shit out of Becky. I popped.
  • So we have a absolutely horribly executed heel turn, yet we have Sasha Banks back, a better character, and shitty Becky beaten up with a chair. Good ol’ “Cowboy” calls that a net positive.
  • I get the logic. They know Sasha will get cheered, so they put her up against their biggest babyface. I personally believe that Sasha is going to get cheered no matter what and that Becky isn’t as strong of a babyface as they think. But we’ll see.
  • There’s two ways that this Alexa/Nikki ish can go. Option 1, and most likely, and probably most fun, is that Alexa turns on Nikki, and it’s “uh-oh, little blondie finally pissed off the wrong psychotic mentally challenged leprechaun”. That could be fun.
  • Option 2: Nikki turns on Alexa and beats the living shit out of her. Would be fun as a surprise nobody sees coming, but probably option 1 leads to the better story.
  • I like both Asuka and Kairi Sane, but I loathe how the Kabuki Warriors theme is just Kairi’s theme, then shutting off and Asuka’s theme, and then Kairi’s and back to Asuka.
  • Paige NOT here.
  • Corey: “Once upon a time Asuka was one of the most dominant superstars in WWE.” I know, Corey. I know.
  • WWE Law: Anytime a commentator says “We’re gonna have a new champion!” We never, ever, ever have a new champion. Not ever.
  • No Bray yetttttt…
  • Now I’m realizing that next PPV is Clash of the Champions. Does that mean a Seth vs AJ “winner take all” match after some non-finish tonight? Thus ruining my Bray Wyatt prediction? Ugh.
  • Please don’t tell me Seth will sell those ribs for the next 6 months. I still have PTSD from his knee selling for all of 2017.
  • No Bray Wyatt. The far lamer Ricochet run-in happened.
  • Looks like we have a shitty 6-man tag for next week. Ugh. “Cowboy” Bob hates fucking 6-man tags.

Not a bad Raw. Love the Sasha return despite it’s issues. Not thrilled about the Seth vs Braun program incoming. And I can’t believe they didn’t capitalize on the white-hot Bray Wyatt re-introduction.

2 thoughts on “WWE Monday Night Raw: August 12th, 2019 “Cowboy” Round-Up

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