WWE Smackdown Live “Cowboy” Bob Round-Up: August 20th, 2019

Fresh off a surprisingly good Monday Night Raw, let’s see if we finally learn who tried to murder Roman Reigns in cold blood, and find out why the police is not on the case.

We probably won’t find out the second part.

• Speaking of not facing police repercussions, remember when Randy Orton burned down a fat man’s home?
• SO LEGITIMATE KOFI hits a Trouble in Paradise Outta Nowhere.
• Again, the logical conclusion to this mystery angle is Luke “Don’t Ask Me To Do A Rudimentary Southern Accent” Harper. Which sucks. But at least it thrusts Daniel Bryan, the best character on the roster, into the spotlight.
• Andrade takes on Smilin’ Apollo. He should have a Loser Loses Their Smile match against Smilin’ Finn in his little blue undies.
• The worst (best?) part of the NXT on USA decision means that Velveteen Dream and Matt Riddle will be there until 2025.
• Crews with the standing moonsault. “IS THERE ANYTHING CREWS CAN’T DO?!” screams Phillips. Yeah, cut a promo.
• Andrade wins. Not clean enough. But still.
• That being said, I am sick of wins like this not being clean. Apollo Crews’ character is the fucking dumbass for getting distracted by Zelina. That’s on him, as far as “Cowboy” Bob is concerned.
• Also, “Cowboy” Bob moves to 3-0 in King of the Ring predictions.
• WHO’S UNDER THE HOOD. I WANNA KNOW.
• Hilarious that referees participate in the 24/7 title deception.
• I love that Shane McMahon signs letters as “The Best In The World” Shane McMahon.
• Put it this way, there will never be a talking segment called “A Moment Of Bayley.”
• So Nikki Cross is an insane lunatic, but she still manages to put on her designer jeans and host a talk show. What is her daily life like? She reminds me of the crazy man in my town who eats out of the garbage outside Dunkin’ Donuts every day yet somehow pops up 2 towns over. How does he do it?
• Alexa’s fucking dismissal of Charlotte wanting to sit in the throne is why she is a 5-time champion.
• Charlotte’s entire promo on Bayley devaluing the title and forcing Charlotte to bring prestige back to it is 100% true. It also scares me that Bayley will beat her.
• “If you want any more proof of what people think of you, just read “Cowboy” Bob’s Jobber to the Stars blog about it!” — Charlotte Flair, direct quote
• If they wanted an actual, real, organic pop for Bayley, she should’ve said “You keep saying the same things, and I know that it’s all a bunch of BULLSHIT!” Massive pop. Even good ol’ “Cowboy” would’ve popped.
• Buddy Murphy heads to the top rope, and Daniel Bryan just walks away. That was very “WWE2k19-esque”.
• “LET’S GO BUDDY” chants earn a tip-of-the-“Cowboy”-hat to Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan.
• Wow. Murphy beats Daniel Bryan. “Cowboy” was so sure that this would be another “oh so close” performance against a top tier guy, leading to a win over somebody lame like Elias.
• Daniel Bryan’s “HOLY FUCK” reaction is gold as well.
• Heavy Machinery vs The Revival is getting fast-forwarded.
• Sami Zayn, who hasn’t won a match since Snow was tearing up the Billboard charts with Enforcer, comes out to shitty Miz’s show.
• So they are turning the losing into some kind of a story.
• Oh hey, Shinshuke Nakamura is here. He’s the Intercontinental champion, you know.
• Sami Zayn and Nakamura have a partnership now, for reasons. Although they made a veiled attempt to invoke their epic NXT match from 2016, so that is more explanation than we get for most.
• Elias comes out to his first entrance that I can remember. Where the fuck is his awesome theme? What is this?
• I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY AREN’T GOING TO DO A BIG IN-RING REVEAL OF WHO IS UNDER THE HOOD WTF
• Elias and his shitty theme get the win after Shane screws over Owens. “Cowboy” moves to 3-1.
• That theme is really fucking awful.
• NOW TELL ME WHO’S UNDER THE HOOD.
• It’s a random bald guy with an orange beard.
• I can’t believe I stood up for this.