WWE Monday Night Raw: July 8th, 2019 “Cowboy” Round-Up

So we have INTER-GENDER ACTION on tap, which is so X-TR3ME that it feels like WWE Extreme Rules, live this Sunday at 7:00 ET exclusively on the WWE Network has come early! Notes and thoughts from “Cowboy” Bob as he watches…

  • So are we going to pretend that it wasn’t emasculating how Becky held the ropes for Seth and slapped his ass at Stomping Grounds?
  • I’ve always said I hate the idea of “paying your dues”. This isn’t working at UPS. Sometimes you have to pick a new guy, hot-shot him the top title and see what he does. I feel that’s what should’ve been done with Andrade and Zelina.
  • After the match, Baron, the top heel in the company, takes out Seth as Lacey nearly Nia Jaxxes Becky with a legit punch.
  • Becky hits Baron. And let’s be real, mofos. You want to send Baron’s heel heat through the roof? Have him give Becky a fucking End of Days. Go for it, WWE.
  • Pussies.
  • They’ve cried wolf too often on the Brock cash-in. Gotta stop talking about it for a while and let it be a surprise at some point.
  • Nothing says “Fast-Forward” to “Cowboy” Bob like a good ol’ 6-man filler tag.
  • I got mocking texts from podcast partner Heartbreak Biz about “no reaction” for The Best In The World Shane McMahon. Of course he neglected to mention it was via the jumbotron. Which is pure ass for the live crowd. This is because Heartbreak Biz is a noted anti-bobite.
  • But seriously, there is so much pre-taped shit lately. It has to be pure death to be sitting there. Pre-taped segments followed by recaps of the same bullshit we’ve just seen. And they wonder why they are getting tepid reactions.
  • Cesaro seems to be getting one of those “Ultimate Wrestling Machine” pushes, which is probably what he should’ve had since like 2013.
  • He still has a very well-defined ceiling, but I’ll be damned if the guy isn’t great in the ring.
  • Already stunning they let Jose have any offense here.
  • Who saw the Adam Rose failed Rose Bud push and said “You know what would make this gimmick work? Some LATINO SPICINESS!”
  • I’m not a big fan of this Street Profits blatant propaganda promo but Vince just has to hear these guys talking and see dollar signs.
  • Everytime I think WWE is headed in the right direction, somebody says “You know what would be a good idea? Bayley talking for 5 minutes. And let’s throw in Nikki Cross and her thick accent too.”
  • Glad that Mike and Maria are not being given up on. Not sure where you go with a pregnant Maria, but at least the talent is being recognized.
  • Nothing spells “All-out fucking jobber” like “The ones who you face in a beat-the-clock challenge”. Seriously. I feel bad for Sarah Logan and Dana Brooke.
  • These two guys…these…raiders of some kind? They wear these helmets with horns. What are they supposed to be?
  • Ohhhhh, wait, they are the VIKING RAIDERS. Thank God they have that name. Or else I’d have no idea.
  • There’s way too much pre-taped shit tonight. Must be pure death for the live crowd.
  • Okay, maybe “running down the hallway after the 24/7 title” screams all-out jobber just as much.
  • I like the Viking Raiders. But they are a few booking missteps away from being Ascension 2k19.
  • I love that WWE throws out these little shows like Chronicle. Just take a random wrestler, follow them with a camera, throw it on the Network. Easy content.
  • Oh dear, Ricochet has a microphone.
  • Stop forcing your talents to play against their strengths.
  • I am a gigantic stickler for heels being booed, and it’s nearly impossible to boo AJ Styles, the Picasso of a wrestling ring. However, AJ with a nasty, aggressive edge to him is my favorite AJ.
  • “OHHHHHH!” — Renee Young
  • My least favorite faction is “The faction where everybody but the main leader does nothing but eat pins.”
  • “What the hell!” — Renee Young
  • Smart to have AJ not do the 2nd rope Styles Clash. Because it’s fucking awesome and you would want to cheer him.
  • AJ tells Richochet to stay down and he’ll leave a piece of him left. So Ricochet says “Okay sir”, and stays down.
  • Okay that didn’t happen. Ricochet got up and ate a phenomenal forearm. Nice little spot and it’s good to see WWE recognize what type of shit gets cheers from their heels (like an incredible fucking move off the 2nd rope), and stay away from it.
  • Kofi Kingston vs Samoa Joe is an example of WWE buckling from the weight of their own shitty booking. You can have Cole scream “KOFI IS A LEGITIMATE CHAMPION!!!” until he’s blue in the face, but we all know it’s not true. He doesn’t fit the part, and was a midcarder for 11 years for a reason. He’s great in that role. But he is not a world champion.
  • Similarly, you can call Samoa Joe a dangerous bad-ass for a month, but you can only eat loss after loss after loss after loss before we all shrug.
  • And I think Kofi and Joe are both great. It’s basically WWE trying to have their cake and eat it too. “We want these guys to job constantly, but we also want you to think of them as threats when we want.”
  • Shane and Drew are going to pay a janitor $5,000 to be Roman’s tag partner tonight in what is sure to be dastardly heel chicanery.
  • Shane’s absolute dismissal of $5,000 as a meaningful amount of money is why he is the pinnacle of WWE heels.
  • So in a heartwarming moment, they allow a mentally challenged girl to come out and have an entrance on live TV.
  • Wait that’s Bayley.
  • The Riott Squad broke up like a million years ago, and embarrassingly, they still bring out Sarah “Ultra Jobber” Logan to the Riott Squad theme because they didn’t give a shit enough to get her music yet.
  • In all seriousness – the entire point of the match is WHO CAN BEAT THEIR OPPONENT FASTEST. And you are chosen as the opponent. Because you are SOMEBODY WHO WOULD BE THOUGHT TO BE BEATEN QUICKLY. I have no idea why they humiliate talent like this. And this is Sarah’s second fucking Beat The Clock challenge this year!
  • That headbutt is fucking money too. Nobody with that headbutt should be booked as a female Brooklyn Brawler.
  • One day, if the Beat The Clock opponent actually won the match, it would be an incredible push. Like a modern day 1-2-3 kid.
  • I’ll say this, Sarah got booked about as strong as you can for a match type like this, but still, the stink of “Beat The Clock” opponent is too great. It’s an insult to even be in the match.
  • Nikki comes off as an unruly gothic leprechaun that needs adult supervision.
  • Speaking of Jobber To The Stars, Dana doesn’t even get an entrance.
  • However! She does roll out of the ring repeatedly in a shocking bout of logic.
  • Bayley high-fiving Dana is actually kinda funny.
  • “OHHHH GOD!” — Renee Young
  • I have to say, Dana going for that swanton bomb legit scared me to death.
  • What “Cowboy” Bob is hoping for is when Alexa inevitably fucks over Nikki, that Nikki goes from “Hey, I’m wacky in the ring but I’m normal backstage” to “YOU UNLEASHED FUCKING CRAZINESS BITCH”.
  • Nikki wants to say something to Bayley’s face. Call her a bitch and you get a monster pop. Do it, Nikki.
  • I don’t care how bad anyone is on the mic, anybody who does “WHAT” chants in 2019 should be arrested.
  • 2-on-1 handicap match, which probably guarantees a Bayley win as the heels have wacky miscommunication. Whatevs.
  • Eh, it could end with Nikki pinning Bayley but Alexa wins the belt, which would be a fun dynamic as well.
  • GREAT slap by Bayley. Which even gets some boos!!!
  • I love it. I fucking love aggressive Bayley.
  • Now shut the fuck up and never talk.
  • That was probably as close to heel Bayley as you are going to get.
  • Frank Thomas, the Big Hurt? More like the Big Hunk!
  • I DEMAND A BARON AND LACEY WIN AT EXTREME RULES.
  • This main event is a good example of why the ratings are falling. What is the point of this shit? If I turned this off right now, will I miss anything at Extreme Rules? Will anything change? What does it matter?
  • If the janitor doesn’t hit a spear and pin Shane, then what are we even doing here?
  • Hahaha the janitor got theme music and Dana Brook didn’t.
  • This is definitely not the janitor under that mask.
  • Seriously, what moron would tell him to put on a mask. Does Shane even watch pro wrestling? This is the kind of goofy shit I hate, because it makes characters look like total idiots.
  • That being said, Shane so happily going after what he thinks is the janitor is epic heel shit.
  • The commentators still thinking it’s Gary the Janitor makes them look pretty fucking stupid too.

Fairly shitty Raw after a great episode last week. Stop with the pre-taped crap. You could put on fucking Avengers: Endgame on a screen at a pro wrestling show, and people will tune out.

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