WWE Smackdown Live: July 2nd, 2019 “Cowboy” Round-Up

“Cowboy” notes as he watches Smackdown. Just so you know, I don’t go back and edit these. For example, I got some items wrong in last night’s “Raw” Round-up, and I didn’t go back to edit them.

  • They are still treating Lashley/Strowman like it was the Trail of Tears. Kind of makes it a little lamer the more they hype it up like that. But at least they are trying to make it a thing.
  • Here comes The Kevin Owens Show, the show where we teach you how not to be a heel.
  • On cue, the way Kevin Owens has to switch cards to read “The Big…Dog!” and “The Under…taker!” is fucking hilarious. This is a class act in how not to get booed.
  • Hippie, vegan, recycling Daniel Bryan vs babyface, double cheeseburger eating, plastic & paper trash mixing Kevin Owens is the what-could-have-been of money feuds in the modern era.
  • “I can’t believe they bring back OLD GUYS like The UNDERTAKER” he cries behind his keyboard, as “Undertaker” chants reverberate throughout the arena louder than any babyface since 2014 Daniel Bryan.
  • Shane’s “cards he wrote himself” are gold.
  • This is all very confusing. Is Kevin Owens playing babyface now? And here’s jobber Ziggler?
  • I don’t know. That entire segment was super-babyface of Owens. Ziggler obviously still heel.
  • “Do you know anything about math, Kayla? Of course you don’t!” The People’s Champion speaks.
  • Big E continues his run as 1996 Goldust in modern times with the ass-grinding into the other man’s crotch and spanking his half-naked opponent’s ass while he’s in his undies. Not that its a problem. Just saying. It’s all very homoerotic.
  • I don’t know. Much like last night with Lacey vs Natalya, I don’t think Daniel Bryan should need a protected finish to defeat Big E. I get it. He’s a heel. But why can’t he just be that little wormy heel you want to beat but can’t.
  • I feel like if a small boy hit me in the back with luggage that I could kick out.
  • I wonder if there will ever be a payoff to Nikki Cross being perfectly normal backstage and an insane maniac onstage.
  • Calling attention to her accent was smart to avoid WHAT chants.
  • Bayley has a microphone. Duck!
  • “I’m here to ask the tough questions. What’s with the hairy back, Bayley?”
  • Okay only half of that sentence was said.
  • I just don’t understand why WWE forces performers to act against their strengths. Bayley is a steaming pile of horse shit on the mic. But she’s a very good wrestler. Why not make her an aggressive superstar who is tough as nails and hard to beat? Why force a microphone in her hands that she can’t handle? They did the same thing with Roman Reigns and 20 minute promos for years just thinking he’d flip a switch and be The Rock overnight.
  • After being put to sleep by Samoa Joe, Kofi is up next to put us to sleep with his promo.
  • I think Ali is a great wrestler. I have no fucking idea where they are going with this. First, the weird quasi-superhero thing. Now this “change your mind” thing. Neither moved the needle for “Cowboy” Bob.
  • I would love to be proven wrong, but I think this is it for Joe. The final nail in the coffin. I think he is the final sacrifice to the altar of the internet to appease people for Kofi’s title reign. And from here, he won’t recover. Either hilarious fat comedy jobber or back to NXT after this loss at Extreme Rules upcoming.
  • My podcast partner Heartbreak Biz put it best with Kofi: the only way this would’ve worked is after winning the title if he suddenly was “too cool” for the New Day antics. Wore plain black pants tights. No more of this “immature” pancake throwing and “wacky” catchphrases. He’s above it. Now that is a story.
  • Pancake throwing mid-carder is not a champion.
  • You know what is a shame? On the “Cowboy” Bob Scale, where you get rated by Look, Promo and In-Ring, and need a total score of 23 to be World Champion, Samoa Joe qualifies! 8 for look. 8 for promo. 7 for in-ring. He barely makes it at 23, but he does.
  • Pretty sure Samoa Joe is stealing Leonardo DiCaprio’s gimmick from Django Unchained here.
  • Credit where it’s due to WWE. That middle finger was pretty good. Actually deserved a bigger pop.
  • Who the balls are these rando backstage interviewers?
  • Heavy Machinery. Doesn’t do it for “Cowboy” Bob.
  • THEY ARE SO BLUE COLLAR. Don’t ask what they do. Or why. They just are. BLUE COLLAR.
  • If Andrade jobs to Crews this blog is getting deleted.
  • Pyro. “Holy shit!” Middle finger. “Son of a bitch!” “I’m gonna send him to the morgue!” I love it. Your target audience is not children. Your target audience are 35 year old single men with blogs. Keep it coming.
  • If all of this leads to bringing back blading at Extreme Rules, AEW and their little Jimmy Havoc from Hot Topic can go kick rocks.
  • Zelina Vega is a delight.
  • “You get your neck all warmed up? That’s very good, yeah.” Hilarious. I really hope this is going towards a babyface Owens turn, or else he’s worse as a heel than usual tonight.
  • My money is still on Bray Wyatt as the Aleister Black opponent. Again – one keeps getting a knock on the door. The other says “Let Me In”. Seems to write itself. Not sure why they are turning Black into this bizarre college professor creepy intellectual though, but at least they are going for some semblance of a character.
  • “We beat Heavy Machinery, why are they even in this match?” Great point, Daniel Bryan.
  • A few years ago, Modelo made a choice: To virtue signal to whoever will listen and act like they aren’t a corporation trying for a cheap profit.
  • Man, Vince must love that fucking caterpillar.
  • The superkick heard ’round the world to set up a meaningless midcard match nobody cares to see.
  • Decent Smackdown. Raw was better. Keep up the edgier content.

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