WWE Monday Night Raw: July 1st, 2019 “Cowboy” Round-Up

I got a notification that Braun Strowman is facing Bobby Lashley, so you just KNOW we are in for ONE. HOT. NIGHT.

All kidding aside, I believe this is the first official Raw under the Paul Heyman banner, so let’s see if it’s the same old bullshit or not.

  • I sort of wonder if they decide to eventually pull a Sheamus/Cesaro deal with Strowman/Lashley. Maybe they do the whole trope where they are “rivals” having “brutal matches” but in the end it brings them closer together with mutal respect and they form an overpowered tag team.
  • That being said, in a weird way, the “Kabuki Warriors” of Asuka and Kairi Sane seem like they would be the “overpowered tag” gimmick for the women, but we all know that belt never gets on TV anyway.
  • (that’s fine by the way, keep the belts on The Iconics by any means necessary)
  • This match is actually kind of decent. Who knew?
  • Bobby Lashley being the rare guy who can match power for power with Strowman is a cool dynamic.
  • Wow, they REALLY went overboard on the pyro for that spear and it worked. That was fucking awesome.
  • Also, allowing Corey Graves to throw out a “holy shit” legitimately added to the moment.
  • Hmmmm…quite a….HARDCORE start to Monday Night Raw, eh Paul Heyman?
  • Man, you know what is a phenomenal touch? This static camera angle of the “EMTs” helping the referees clear out the wreckage. Like, obviously this is fake, but if it was real, you would imagine they wouldn’t want cameramen to be “in the way” of the medical crew. It’s the little things, my dudes.
  • Kinda thought this would end with an old school I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!! Strowman crashing the ambulance type of shenanigans, but instead they are going with the somber tone 9/11 sell.
  • Michael Cole going for the Emmy.
  • We can all agree The Viking Experience was an abomination. Viking Raiders is also lame. They’re obviously fucking vikings.
  • The correct name would have been “The Berzerkers”. Sounds cool. Sounds different. And a nice throwback to the 1990’s for incredibly old 35 year old men like me.
  • I love when a run-in happens and you’re like “HUH?!! OHHHHHH.” What the fudge is Samoa Joe doing here? Ohhhhh, because of Kofi.
  • Oh, Viking Raiders are suddenly heel? Again, who knew?
  • Now Viking Experience, THAT’S a tag name that would get booed.
  • “Cowboy” Bob lives by very few rules in life. But one of them is, “Cowboy” Bob tunes out of 6 man tag matches.
  • Few lamer moves now than a “suicide dive” through the middle ropes. Hell, even the dive over the top rope gets “mehs” out of people now. The only one that is cool is the Roman dive over the top rope, because he’s a big guy so it looks more impressive that he can actually pull it off.
  • Joe chokes out Kofi, meaning Joe has absolutely 0% chance to win the belt in a few weeks. This will allow Joe to build on his WWE record for most title shots without ever winning.
  • Thanks for showing up, Dana Brooke.
  • Okay hear me out – if R-Truth leads Drake Maverick to literally kill himself over the 24/7 belt and then R-Truth turns to the camera and says “…this one’s on me.” – tell me you wouldn’t laugh your ass off.
  • “Is the Undertaker here???” Imagine he wasn’t? Imagine it was just like “Oh wow, turns out Taker didn’t show up!”
  • Really not sure where this AJ and Club thing is going. The hope is that it leads to Finn Balor winning the two bald kids in the divorce.
  • When will Charly Caruso ever get her comeuppance?
  • This is actually a pretty big deal for Street Profits to get this little spot, and they are doing a pretty good job. There’s no chance Vince wrote that.
  • Oh, The Miz. What a great character he once was.
  • Here comes the master heel, working the entire internet as easily as he conducts the announcer like a maestro…Shane-O-Mac.
  • Love how Shane tries to “settle the crowd down”, acting like the “real star” is behind him. But if only Drew had Shane’s charisma. He tries, I’ll give him that.
  • Hilarious how Corey calls out how the announcer didn’t do that Shane intro well.
  • Hear those “YOU SUCK” chants? Man that HEEL sure is AWFUL, huh guys?
  • Hey Kevin Owens? Elias? Hear that? Nobody chanting “SHANE-O-MAC”.
  • That purple lightning has never not been cheesy and corny. And not in a “so bad it’s good” way. A “so cartoony it makes me wonder what I’m doing in my life single in my mid-30’s” kind of way.
  • But then the gong brings me back!
  • Look, guys. Is this “shitty epilogue” I wrote about weeks ago embarrassing? Of course. But someday, the man will be gone, and you’ll wish you heard that gong one last time. Enjoy it while you can.
  • Okay this is painfully boring and my nostalgia meter is running out fast.
  • saveusbaron&lacey
  • 45 minutes later, Undertaker is still not up the ramp.
  • I really hope that the presence of Baron Corbin doesn’t mean we need a Protected Finish for Lacey to beat fucking Nattie.
  • Okay, so that’s exactly what happened. But on the other hand, Baron Corbin blatantly harming a 125 pound woman is epic heel work.
  • If WWE wants the crowd foaming at the mouth for a babyface redemption story, put the belts on your two top heels at Extreme Rules, send boxes of tissues to Reddit, and reap the benefits.
  • No, but seriously, will Charly Caruso ever get her comeuppance?
  • I AM ROBO-CHET. I SPEAK INTO MICROPHONE. I SAY WORDS THAT WRESTLERS SAY.
  • The Club do a good job of playing your buddy’s douchebag frat buddies you met when you drove to visit him sophomore year. Solid heel work.
  • Why wouldn’t AJ just watch the show to verify what The Club is saying about Ricochet? Yeah yeah, I know “who is watching the show”. Okay, get those jokes out of the way. This kind of shit always takes me out of immersion. It makes the babyface look like a fucking moron.
  • Those were some dank slaps.
  • As if to prove my points about how Shane and Baron are real heels, Miz interrupts Elias before he sings. This is supposed to gain major babyface cheers to Miz. The problem? Elias’ songs are hilarious, and are more entertaining than anything Miz is about to bring in the ring. This is why Elias is a terrible heel.
  • Wow, Miz won with a figure-four. How about that?
  • WHEN WILL CHARLY CARUSO GET HER COMEUPPANCE.
  • Man that Becky “pfft pfft pfft” routine was the comedy version of the landscape in Mad Max: Fury Road.
  • Oh shit! It’s the invaluable Maria Kanellis!
  • Note: I’m not kidding. Maria Kanellis is fucking money and that “Mike Kanellis and his wife he loves oh so much” routine should’ve been amazing.
  • If Mike Kanellis lands a finger on Seth in this upcoming jobber squash, he should consider it a birthday present.
  • I love how Mike isn’t at all offended by being called Maria’s bitch.
  • Yeah! Return of that glorious theme song.
  • Seriously, this team has MAJOR fucking potential. I know this will be a squash, but I’m rooting for these two to get at least a SEMBLANCE of offense.
  • Hmm, good sign that they have a tandem entrance with a camera angle already set up. I like it. Man I’m really vested in this, I’m not even kidding.
  • Mike lands a punch!
  • Great look of terror on Maria’s face as she see she now has to job to Stone-Cold-Light.
  • Okay I don’t mean to be a stickler for the rules but isn’t Becky automatically tagged in?
  • That “mop the floor at home” line was gold. Damn WWE is really learning how to book heels.
  • Maria is a treasure, but I hope that wasn’t the end of this Maria and Mike thing. Can’t you just imagine a proper push, and proper build? Leading to, of course, Mike eventually finally “manning up” and splitting from Maria someday? It could be the new Virgil and Million Dollar Man.
  • Maria is putting her fucking stamp on this show. She is showing promo chops up there with the elites here.
  • I like the Street Profits.
  • I can’t see this AJ vs Richochet match having an actual finish, but man would it be fucking cool if they actually did one of those “Let’s just do the match TONIGHT” things and actually, ya know, had the match? This way when they pull it someday, the crowd thinks it might actually happen?
  • Moment of Bliss – Renee with her comment of the year: “She could’ve worn pants to host the show.”
  • Imagine being so in-shape that you can sit down with your stomach exposed and look like somebody could play a game of Monopoly on it.
  • Seriously – what character comes off more mentally challenged, Bayley or Nikki Cross? I say Bayley. Nikki comes off more like an unruly little leprechaun. Sort of like a female Hornswoggle who needs adult supervision.
  • Alexa subtly taking Nikki’s over the top compliment as total, inarguable fact is why she is the gem of this industry.
  • And another “Cowboy” favorite comes out! Carmella, the most criminally underrated title reign of all-time (“I BEAT CHARLOTTE FLAIR AND ASUKA!!!”) is here.
  • “S-I-D-E-K-I-C-K”. For Christ’s sake, give this woman title reign #6.
  • What?! “An impromtu match-up??” When they both conveniently came out in their ring gear??
  • I’m not sure what a roll-up win does for either Carmella or Alexa, and the series of “quick” roll-up wins to avoid commercials is getting a little much.
  • Okay, I’m quickly proven wrong as the story is that “Nikki can do what Alexa couldn’t”, which is immediately ruined as Cole shrieks “Nikki did what Alexa couldn’t!”
  • So, if R-Truth doesn’t jump under the covers and win back the title while Drake and his wife are consummating the marriage…then life has no meaning.
  • Uh-oh, here comes out the other referee to do silent movie acting from the 1920’s to tell the other ref that the foot was under the rope. Another little pet-peeve of mine. If they do it here, then why ignore it in the 50 million other cases of wacky shenanigans in pro wrestling history?
  • Another good match between Ricochet and Styles. Time for Styles to forego the handshake, kick him in the balls and really turn these two loose at Extreme Rules.
  • Close enough. This shit might end up getting cheered, because people love The Club and AJ Styles is awesome, but it’s nice to see super-cocky AJ with an edge.
  • Super Styles Clash!
  • Fun Raw. No idea how much Heyman had to do with it, but this show has gotten much better the past few weeks. Bravo.

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